You can't special order awesome
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
