They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
