We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
