haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
