Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
