It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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