I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
