you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
