Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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