last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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