Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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