smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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