In the future we'll all be gay
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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