I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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