Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
