I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
