oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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