Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
