You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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