I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
