Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
organizing the empties. That sober.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
