Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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