I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
