I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
