you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
