I want to make a zoo with you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And then he peed in my hair
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