just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
