hotel room ftw
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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