how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
