Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
