five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
