just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
