All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
