I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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