hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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