i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
