NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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