We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
