The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
