Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
