Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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