I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Randomize
