I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my shit smells like andre
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
