No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
