it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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