my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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