Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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