Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
