I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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