..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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