Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
