i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
