Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
