fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
