Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
