just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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