Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
