Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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