I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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